Come to Russia

Tim, from We the undersigned has published a travel log about his recent trip to Russia. It's a good read:

Then the biggest, meanest, ugliest looking Russian bloke you've ever seen came and sat at the table across from us. He had a jaw which a hammer couldn't break, a nose which a hammer had broken, and scars all over his face. He was sitting down, talking to his companion, and staring at myself and Katerina. I am not as stupid as I look, which is fortunate. I asked Katerina who he was, and she mumbled something. I asked her to stop mumbling. And then she told me.

Before Katerina went out with Michael Corleone, she was seeing the biggest mafia boss in town, hereafter known as Vito Corleone. Now when they split up, Vito had told her that he would make sure she never had another boyfriend. And this gorilla who was sitting across the table from me was Vito's best friend, or as I interpreted it, his strong man. According to Katerina, she fell out with this ape about something a while back, and they don't speak now. And Vito was not happy that Katerina had started going out with Michael after she had left him, but let it slide because he was in the mafia. I will remind my readers that last time I checked, I was not. I walked out of the bar, and couldn't do it quickly enough.