Action Man - from tough guy to pussy

Caitlin Moran, in the Times laments the demise of Action Man:

The theory is that political correctness and post-9/11 squeamishness have ended Action Man’s reign as the archetypal boys’ toy, given that his recent, disastrous rebranding effort moved him away from horse-sized bombs and flensing knives, and introduced two new, worthy friends instead: Redwolf, “a Native American who possesses a deadly aim with his crossbow”, and Flynt, a man gifted with “amazing boomerang skill”. Action Man, the insinuation is, has gone a bit nice-Chianti, a bit batik-waistcoat, a bit pouffy — an accusation not helped by Hasbro’s enthusiastic but gnomic claim that New Action Man loves “riding his dirt-surfer to the extreme”. There’s always the chance that this is just the latest street-slang for a Hoover — because people on the streets are always coming up with new, arcane slang for things like tumble-dryers and juicing machines — but, either way, things aren’t looking good for Action Man next time he walks into a pub in the wrong part of Macclesfield on a Friday night.

... Action Man isn’t a man at all — he is whatever nine-year-old boy is playing with him at the time. And whenever a nine-year-old boy puts together a gang, it will consist of someone called “Brains”, who comes up with all the ideas, someone strong, who will be called “Muscle”, and a wisecracking maverick who saves the day called “Maverick”. There will be no boomerangs, no one is called “Flynt”, and no one rides his dirt-surfer to the extreme. That’s all a bit fanciful and time-wasting when there are five Action Mans hanging from a dressing-gown belt strung out of the bathroom window.

I was once the proud owner of an amazing gripping hand crew cut action man and I am sure that what we are seeing now is not the demise of the true action man but, instead, the demise of the modern Hasbro pale imitation.

The original action man, which reached its design pinnacle with the introduction of the aforementioned gripping hands, did exactly what any kid wanted an action figure to do. It bent in exactly the way one wanted it to bend, it looked good and it could grip any of the accessories produced for it. And I mean GRIP.

The modern Hasbro action man is the sum of the accessories that it comes with. Let’s take the blue diving suited action man, which my boy has. This action figure can be made to swim (in a man from Atlantis kind of way) with just a little winding of his right arm at the shoulder. This is great for about five minutes of bath playtime but what then? The arms do not bend properly (probably due to some compromise necessitated by the engineering of the swimming mechanism), the hands have all the gripping ability of the most effeminate Cindy doll and, get this, the damn blue scuba suit is moulded onto the toy. It cannot be removed. This toy, in short, is a one shot deal.

What is a boy to do when the need is there for an explosives operative, a sniper or a desert rat? There are some situations for which a blue suited, rigid armed effeminate diver is simply not appropriate.

And it is not the only one from the range like this.

In the old days the action man purchasing cycle use to be: buy boy action man figure in his plain green fatigues, with pistol, helmet and rifle for Christmas. Buy tank or jeep on Birthday. Buy occasional accessory packs at parental discretion. One action man could use all the accessories. He bent the right way and could grip anything the accessory designers threw at him. Parents trusted action man, kids could act out a zillion different scenarios with one figure, and action man was exactly what he was supposed to be. A man. Of action.

Modern action man is no longer the toy it used to be and parents are fed up of paying for a rigid form of a toy that they remember as more flexible and user friendly. Hasbro, no doubt think we are stupid enough to pay for another figure, and then another, for each scenario that takes the fancy of our children.

We are not.

Effectively, action man has become a specialised, Guardian reading big girl’s blouse.

Tim Blair comments.