The conspiracy of the toads

The North East has voted NO to a regional assembly, the pet project of the deputy prime minister John Prescott. One has to wonder why the government has been so keen to see this devolution of various parts of England take shape. What’s in it for them? What’s in it for the people of the various regions that the government will quite probably still want to see devolved? The government states that this whole idea is for the benefit of local areas allowing the people to make strategic decisions in economic development, transport, planning, housing and culture and tourism.An assembly would:

give a voice to regions distant from Westminster and return power to local people from the non-elected bodies that oversee many services.

All this gov-speak did not persuade 78% of the electorate who resoundingly voted no and, frankly, who can blame them for doing so? Certainly not me.

Regional assemblies will give a voice to the people of England who happen to be distant from London. The governments own words. To me this sounds like an astonishing admission; areas of England that are a few hundred miles away from central London have no voice. Their concerns and their desires have no representation in parliament. Yes, it is clearly a falsehood. What are MPs for other than to represent the concerns and needs of their constituents wherever in the country they happen to be?

This whole notion that distance from Westminster is somehow a disadvantage to the people of England is bunkum. The same government that has been pressing this point is also pressing for further entanglement of this country of ours in the European project, the parliament for which is so far away as to be completely invisible from each and every single city, town, village, field, house and public lavatory in the whole of the British Isles. Yes they say, but your MEPs will give you a voice in that parliament. One might think that at least one of these completely different and inconsistent opinions of government must be wrong. I’ve not mentioned this apparent divergence to my MP but I’m sure that it will solicit a politely worded diatribe about flavours, brotherhood, harmonisation and tidying up. Gov-speak in other words and we’re fed up of it.

So we might ask what is it about regionalisation that has the government so excited? I’m not sure that’s the right question. I would suggest we ask what is in it for the professional politician? Things are a whole lot clearer when expressed in that way because it is far easier to imagine what might be playing on the minds of a power hungry megalomaniac than it is to imagine what a complex system of government might be looking for. I also think we are more likely to get to the truth of the matter.

I’m a believer in the conspiracy of the toads. The name of this conspiracy is brand new and I know this because I have just invented it. Checkout google. You won’t find it (unless it points here). This conspiracy is all about the darkest fear of the professional politician; losing office. Democracy sucks on many levels if you happen to be a politician, and one of those levels just so happens to be that every once and a while you need to go back to the electorate to get your membership of whatever club you belong to renewed. It is a process fraught with danger.

The dangers can be lessened by increasing the number of clubs that a politician can be a member of. More opportunity. More options. Longevity.

And even better, all these clubs need support staff and get this; support staff don’t need to be elected. There will always be at least one form of membership that a toad can successfully claim.

The attraction of a massive European parliament overseeing many state parliaments lording it over countless regional ‘parliaments’ which dish out what’s left of our money to club secretaries across the continent must be almost irresistible.

To a toad anyway.

The people of the North East of England have spoken and their answer is no, we don’t want a regional assembly. It remains to be seen how spiteful the deputy prime minister will be to them now that he, once again, has egg on his face.

NB:
(So where does this leave me? I believe that England should have a parliament of its own; isn’t this consistent with the conspiracy of the toads? Won’t it add another level of government? Well, yes. It will certainly create more toadish opportunities but there is a difference between adding more tiers of government and giving parliamentary representation to a nation that currently doesn’t have one. If toads are necessary I’d rather that some of them were officially mine and mine alone (Touchwood seems a suitable name). You ask any minister who has the responsibility to work solely for the interests of the English nation and you will get a gov-speak answer that can eventually be deconstructed into no-one. Then ask him why England should not have such parliamentary representation and you will get a reply liberally littered with words such as elephant and cuckoo’s nest. All obfuscation, but that’s what they are good at.)

Some comments from the site of Neil Herron, leader of one of the NO campaigns:

To Neil and all your helpers - THANK YOU!! We're down here in East Anglia and we are SO GRATEFUL to you. You are now a folk hero for the whole of England. We, the ordinary, working class people of England owe you a great debt for saving us all from fake devolution, a chopped up country of competing tin pot regions.
You've made the difference. We cried with relief when we heard the result. THANK YOU AGAIN!

Hi Neil,
England owes a debt of gratitude to you and your team and all those who campaigned for this wonderful result. I know how hard you have all worked to get this result so thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your efforts on behalf of the people of England.

Congratulations and thanks, Neil - you're a hero! Those who voted "no" were speaking on behalf of the great majority of the people of England, but their massive rejection of "regionalism" will resound across Europe.

Can you hear it? It's getting louder........

Posted by John at November 5, 2004 08:56 AM | TrackBack