You can't get bitter about a kwik-fit fitter

There is something amok with the little Japanese sports car. How do I know this? There’s this peddle see, the middle one, which no longer functions as it once did. Previously, when I had occasion to depress this peddle the car would lose a considerable amount of forward momentum. Now it just makes an odd grinding noise somewhat similar to the noise generated by rubbing two pieces of rough metal together. Interesting as the sound is I think I preferred the previous behaviour.

I pride myself in knowing a great deal about cars. For instance I knew instantly that the problem was likely to have something to do with the braking system. I also thought I knew exactly how the problem could be solved. I phoned my local Kwik-Fit centre which, I understand, have some expertise in this exact kind of problem.

Hello, yes, I need the front brakes on my car fixed.

- Phooooo, hmmmm, could be tricky. You need to bring it in for a full brake diagnostic.

Can’t you just replace the front brake pads?

- We need to check it over sir, could take up to an hour.

And then you’ll fix it?

- We’ll need to order the parts first sir, might arrive the very next day. We’re very busy but could probably squeeze you in a day or so after.

I’ll bring it in on my way home from work for the check. I’ve got to go by you anyway to get home which I’m going to try and do without using my brakes.

- Phoooooo, we may be able to squeeze you in for the check but we can’t make any promises. What car is it sir?

An MX5.

Flick, flick, flick.

- Pads aren’t listed sir but the discs are, we’ll need to take a look to see what kind of pads are needed.

Pads aren’t listed?

- No sir.

It’s an MX5, the most popular sports car in the world.

- I’m sure the pads won’t be a problem sir, we’ll just take a look and order them.

It’s an import.

- Phoooooo, might be tricky. All the parts are different on those. We’ve have no end of trouble with them.

The brake parts are the same. I think only the thickness of the windscreen is an issue on the imports, though there is some doubt about that.

- I’ve had a lot of trouble with imports sir. Lots of parts are different.

Riiiight…..Can you give me a rough estimate on parts, you know, and labour and the like?

- Standard front discs are £132 for 2 as a rough estimate. Pads are usually £60 to £80 for both front brakes on most makes.

And you might not be able to fit me in for the check tonight?

- No sir.

And the parts will take a day or two to order?

- Yes sir, if we can find the parts for an import.

And you might not be able to fit me in for a couple of days after that to fix the problem.

- Exactly sir.

Contrary to popular government opinion, I need my car on a daily basis. Kwik-fit were clearly not up to the task (or too busy or caught up in scare mongering about identical cars driven in Japan and in England) to satisfy my needs as a consumer. Also the cost of the parts seemed a little excessive to me so my attention turned to the blessed Internet.

Two front discs - £29.99, two sets of Kevlar brake pads, £23.99 – free delivery with a 95% chance of the goods being received the next day. Pads and discs standard on all Mk1 1.6 MX5’s. Brilliant Japanese car manufacturers! Using the same parts on the same models!

This weekend, for the first time since the Triumph Spitfire was placed in the garage and covered with a dust sheet after it tried to kill me, I will be getting my hands very dirty.

Now, any ideas how to jack a car up?

It's 9:40am and the parts have arrived. I ordered them about 2pm yesterday. The company that did this for me is here. Many thanks.