Here dad, do you know the piano is on my foot?

“Right then, can you read music?”

“No.”

“Ok, then I think we’ll begin with that.”

“Actually, can we just go through some chords for a couple of songs and perhaps you can write down some tab to some intros for me? Layla, I quite like that one.”

That was pretty much the opening dialog from my first and last guitar lesson and pretty much sums up my attitude to learning the instrument.

I picked up the guitar about ten years ago, read a beginners book and bought one of those guitar case sized chord books. My intention, my sole intention, was to master the instrument to the point where I could bang out a tune or two while drunk to entertain any of the drink soaked friends that we happened to have around for dinner at the time.

I progressed rapidly and then stopped progressing right about the time that the England Project family were blessed with a little Englander.

I loved the instrument and still do and there is no doubt in my mind that one of these days I will pick it up again to learn new stuff rather than just repeat the brief repertoire that I know now.

It seems to me that my relationship with the guitar is a healthy one. I knew that if I went down the route of, you know, actually learning the thing ‘properly’ it would never figure in my life and my friends would miss out on the best performances of “Wish you were here” they were ever likely to hear. In my kitchen.

This unfortunate situation is exactly the kind I was trying to avoid. Playing should be fun and the intention of learning an instrument should be to have fun with what you know.

My advice to doctorvee is to learn a song that he can play drunk and that others will want to sing when they are also drunk. That is the first step on the path to a cure.

(No, not “Night Swimming” by REM).