It's only the English, move along, nothing to see here

Via Kev comes this bit of World Cup news:

Irish low-cost airline Ryanair could offer free tickets for each goal scored in the World Cup against England, the company's outspoken chief executive Michael O'Leary has told a German newspaper.

"That's something we can envision doing," O'Leary, an Irishman with a flair for publicity and known fondness for soccer and rugby, told weekly Welt am Sonntag.

Interesting business proposition. Or is it? OR IS IT?

Do please pass on this opportunity.

Who did what now?

Oh noes, it's the fault of the English. Or is it the British? I don't mind the theory, but they could at least make their minds up about who they are talking about.

Just popping in to say...

....fantastic.

Don't let your children read this

Up until the age of 5 or so your time is pretty much your own. If you were more conscious of the fact you would look back on this period fondly. From then on until the early twenties you are likely to be spending most of your time occupied with you education. This will require that most of the energetic hours of the day are spent in learning establishments with, perhaps, 20% of that time being constructive. From then on until the age of about 65 to 70 you will spend most of the prime periods of your day engaged in work. You may or may not enjoy this work but during these periods it is unlikely that you will develop potential in any other areas of your life in any significant way. You will likely not notice this fact and generally be content with a hobby or two and some comfort time in front of the TV. From 65ish onwards you will wonder where all the time went, wish you had developed some other kinds of interests to help you pass your time and then you will die.

Up down, up down, up down and stop

Later this year the England Project family are off on another grand tour. This one will be to the USA which I understand some people, including the mayor of London, have an irrational dislike for. It’s one of the reasons why we are going. To show our support and to spread some love.

This will be one of our longer grand tours as it will last about three weeks. During that time we will be enjoying suburban life with some friends in a small town called Ohio. We shall then visit what I understand to be a park called Yellowstone where we shall, no doubt, play on swings and eat a picnic. After that we will be off to the wilderness to live like cowboys for a week (no, seriously) and finally we shall spend some time in Florida taking in some Mickey Mouse entertainment.

We are all really looking forward to it.

We like to be prepared so in expectation of a week in the saddle we took some horse riding tuition over the weekend. It was my first time on a horse in thirty years (after having become proficient at the age of 11) and all I can say is that rising trot is just as ridiculous as I remember it being all those years ago.

In bed with Hawking

I’ve been suffering terribly from flu, and I mean proper man flu not just a bad cold. I spent most of yesterday in bed trying to prevent boredom by reading some Stephen Hawking stuff through streaming eyes, achy bones and a runny nose. I never did physics at school but I imagine that it would have been pretty much as I experienced it yesterday.

They don’t make them like they used to

Another tragic case of spontaneously igniting Union flags. Via Mark.

Holy smokes!

I find this incredible.

Toads to the left of me, toads to the right

I saw this BBC headline and thought it should have been categorised in to the politics section.

Toxic toads 'threaten disaster'

Then I clicked the link and realised it was about the amphibious kind.

Minsicule

Laban Tall invents a new word. Minsicule. Although it does not appear in any dictionary I have checked it is indeed a real word. I means a word suddenly, inexplicably and independently created by a million other people.

I like: "The power levels being used in England are minsicule". You said it!

See also: "He measured the motion of positively charged minsicule oil-droplets between horizontal plates". Hard to do I should think.

What Sci-Fi Profile are you

Cool, I'm Battlestar Galactica. Best TV Sci-Fi series in yonks by the way.

You scored as Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica). You are leery of your surroundings, and with good reason. Anyone could be a cylon. But you have close friends and you know they would never hurt you. Now if only the damn XO would stop drinking. Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 88% Serenity (Firefly) 75% Moya (Farscape) 69% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 63% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 56% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 56% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 50% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 50% SG-1 (Stargate) 44% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 44% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 38% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 38% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

Via Samizdata.

Who's sorry now?

F            Dm7  Dm7-5  C         C/B   A7
You had your way,          now you must pay;

F              G     G7     C

I'm glad that you're sorry now.

It sure looks like a threat to cause violence

This is deeply disturbing.

I do agree though that Whizzer & Chips was funnier

I've been avoiding blogging about that comic strip thingy that the blogosphere is awash with because it just seems so childish to me. A bunch of people complaining that they didn't like this or that particular cartoon or didn't get this or that particular joke just reminds me of my old school playground. I didn't find it interesting then and I don't find it interesting now. The kids that did find it interesting from an intellectual point of view went on to become Guardian readers and the kids doing the complaining eventually became deeply involved in the fast food industry.

However, this piece of blather from the BBC's Michael Buchanan has forced me out of my silence:

Denmark's reputation as an easy-going, consensual nation has been severely tarnished in recent days. All the Danes can do now is hope the repeated apologies for the offence caused, by both the government and the newspaper, will end this unseemly row.

Here's the thing. Do you think someone pays him to so completely get the wrong end of the stick? I can't remember the last time I saw such a wrong headed analysis or opinion of a situation. Astonishing. Or perhaps I'm just turning into the type that doesn't get the joke.

Pipeline

Via Krip comes this interesting initiative for people who are suffering under the high cost of fuel. I've signed up which is something I very rarely do with these online thingies. My advice? Use it, spread it.

Who and where is this man?

Click the image to find out more.

PC Yasmin Alibhai-Brown

Issue: Author writes about damage caused by some aspects of political correctness.

Politically correct truth: Author delusional. Stands as a prophet for other delusionals. Author hyperventilating fantasist.

Factually correct truth: Author truthful. Debate encouraged.

Peter Briffa's podcast

From that Peter Briffa podcast:

Interviewer: Very next day, London blown up. What did you think of that?

Peter Briffa: I was against it.

Snigger.

On the statue of Mandela and Trafalgar Square

My own opinion on this is that Trafalgar Square should be reserved for British icons. You might ask why but then again you might also ask why bother preserving any notion of British heritage. It's simply a cultural thing and I believe that British culture is something that should be celebrated rather than eroded.

If Mandela goes up then I suggest that there are also other foreign nationals who are also worthy of the position. Nothing else can be sensibly argued and, after all, the desire to place a statue of Mandela in the Square is a desire based on the perceived worth of the individual in isolation from their nationality and contribution to Britain.

Consequently, if it is about perceived worth then the next logical step is to balance that worth against that of any existing statue. Why argue for the Mandela statue but against the removal of an existing one so that its place might be given up to another individual of world recognised worth? You cannot without playing the tradition and history cards, the very same cards you refused to play in the opening hand.

Phantom libertarianism

Once a moonbat always a moonbat, as the saying goes. In the Guardian (of all places) George Monbiot blasts libertarians and blames their state of mind on driving:

But this is not, or not really, an article about speed, or cameras, or even cars. It is about the rise of the antisocial bastards who believe they should be allowed to do what they want, whenever they want, regardless of the consequences. I believe that while there are many reasons for the growth of individualism in the UK, the extreme libertarianism now beginning to take hold here begins on the road.

And in that paragraph we see Monboit's inability to grasp what libertarianism is about, if it is about anything.

For a libertarian the consequences are everything. That's why libertarians hold responsibility in such high regard.

Take responsibility for your actions, don't rely on the state to take it for you.

Monbiot is also living in some kind of alternative universe if he thinks that any rise in libertarianism is caused by road usage. Firstly, that there is a rise in libertarianism is certainly questionable. I have not seen any evidence of it and, indeed, I would argue that exactly the opposite is the case. Secondly, even if it was on the rise I would put it down to a reaction against over regulation.

If car usage had anything to do with libertarian tendencies how is it that the mass of feeling this must have surely created by now has not been reflected in parliament?

Run for the hills!

Blogging is likely to be very light today as I have done myself an injury. This makes me a little sad. However, this makes me laugh so much it hurts:

Neil Herron's campaign over parking charges has come on a long way since revealing Sunderland Council had wrongly handed out £30,000 worth of fines it did not have orders to enforce.

In fact it has come on such a long way that the "metric martyr" is now a figure of dread for any unwary traffic warden of council official patrolling the streets of the city. Mention of his name sends shivers down the back of any trainee attendant, and calls to supervisors are met with a simple groan on the other end of the walkie-talkie. Indeed it seems traffic wardens are taking to their heels and scampering for the hills at the first sign of Mr Herron demanding a ticket. "Its just not on," Mr Herron explained. "They're just running away from me." We couldnt think why.

Bwahaha!! Cough...cough....

Explosion.....!

We've just been woken up by what sounded and felt like a massive explosion. Houseshaking.

Flickering lights in the sky in the distance.

Sky TV news reporting an explosion near or in Hemel Hempstead, perhaps at a fuel depot of some sorts.

Sky news online report.

There's a massive black cloud drifting this way, perhaps about a mile away.

From the back garden.

It's interesting to listen to the various reports of the noise the explosion made across the South of the country. A number of people reported hearing a low rumbling before it happened which is contrary to what we heard. For us it was a defined event. A single sharp and very loud bang, followed by the kind of rolling sound that thunder can make.

Regarding that cloud of smoke, it seems to be moving away rather than towards us now.

Apparently they are evacuating residents from Leverstock Green, half a mile to a mile away from here. Possibly something to do with the cloud.

We hear reports that a number of shops in the high street, 4 or so miles from the event, have had windows blown out.

Having been up since the very start and following the MSM reports it seems to us that Sky News were well ahead of any of the other broadcasters on this. First to report it on TV, first pictures, first video and live reports from the scene. A few minutes behind The England Project but not far.

Some of this might have something to do with the number of engineers that they have across the country that install equipment in residential homes etc. Some of the early reports came directly from these engineers phoning in to the sky offices.

No reports on any early reportage from TV licensing crews across the country.

Apparently the depot stores a number of different kinds of fuels, aviation, kerosine and unleaded petrol. The depot is the largest such depot in the country (Ed: incorrect, apparently the 5th largest - 'Hertfordshire Police') so this may well have some knock on effect to energy supplies. If the slack cannot be taken up by other depots and refineries it could be an interesting test of the government's emergency fuel storage and supply plans that they said they put into effect after the petrol demonstrations that blockaded various refineries and depots across the country some time back.

Tim Newman reports on his educated guess as to what the cause might be (via comments at Tim Worstall's blog).

And so the invasion to the north begins

The pickings for Neil Herron and his crew of merry men look to be getting richer quite soon:

The North East’s bid to secure new civil service jobs resulting from a major Whitehall review has taken a significant step forward.

A new website www.movingnortheast.co.uk has just gone live, setting out the North East’s economic package to attract Government departments and agencies relocating from London and the south east as part of the Lyons Review recommendations.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a target rich environment.

Remember, anyone might be a blogger

Wow, some online retailers are totally crazy:

"I will make sure you will never be able to place an order on the internet again." "I'm an attorney, I will sue you." "I will call the CEO of your company and play him the tape of this phone call." "I'm going to call your local police and have two officers come over and arrest you." "You'd better get this through your thick skull." "You have no idea who you are dealing with."

Unfortunately for the retailer the consumer he abused is a blogger.

We must have it, we needs it

If anyone knows where I can buy a realistic looking and brightly coloured artificial butterfly please email me the details. I would be briefly in your debt.

Zimbabwe in 'experienced farmers best at farming' shocker

No, really?

The ideology of multiculturalism

Nick Seddon (Civitas) on multiculturalism:

...there is a difference between multiculturalism as a lived experience and multiculturalism as an enforced ideology. There is a difference between living alongside people who have different customs and outlooks, and the state forcing us all to retain these differences, using its muscle to do so – through financial aid to ethnic minorities, prioritising foreign festivals and language teaching in state schools, and so on. What in its inception was a tolerant ideal to encourage mutual understanding ends up emphasising difference and acting as an agent of separatism.

I think he's right and I've said so in the past.

In the old days a common phrase used to discourage racism or cultural intolerance was "they are exactly the same as us" which is true. This has morphed in more recent times to "we must celebrate our differences" which is also true in many ways. The fact that both these seemingly opposite statements are true in one way or another just helps to highlight the complexity of the situation. Of course the first statement refers to the humanity of individuals and the second to a way of life but these concepts and realities are not completely inseparable.

The real problems come when there is an artificial acceleration in the dilution of the things that define an accommodating culture due to an enforced ideology.

A little something on the same theme from Guido:

The law is being abused to the point of farce by the people who set up and run these centres for one purpose only - to be able to justify their blatant discrimination on the grounds of gender and colour in order to meet meaningless targets and address what they perceive as “wrongs” from the past, by imposing discrimination now and in the future. Where does it end? In an apartheid society - precisely what Mr Phillips of the CRE has been sounding off against.

The results of cultural friction from Gandalf.

I’m off clubbing

Wow, I’ve received an invite to dine at the Carlton Club to commemorate Nelson’s victory at Trafalgar. I’ve heard of the place but not really paid it much attention but one can tell a great deal from its web site. For instance the dress code:

In exceptionally hot weather the Secretary, or in his absence the senior member of staff on duty, may allow gentlemen to remove their jackets in the Wellington Room only.

Another interesting thing about the club are the membership rules::

The Rules of the Club state that only persons of full age who support the Conservative Party shall be eligible for membership.

Erm.

Iain Duncan Smith refused membership to the club when it was offered to him on the grounds that it refuses equal access to women.

Dear little thing offended by TV programme about cars

Protester Denise Lock said Mr Clarkson "makes a living out of offending people".

Well Denise, he’s not made a penny out of me.

Badges of our youth

Eric the Unread shows us some of the badges of his youth. It's a terrible idea that can only lead to embarrassment so why not join in, I thought.

Please note that the I am 21 badge was in the same box as the other badges. It in no way indicates my age at the time that any of the depicted badges were worn. Ahem.

Phew, lucky for us

Another religious fanatic thrown in prison.

Tribes

I read it and so should you. Some of you may turn pink some way through the text. Just remember that's not my fault.

Thank the ass hats

A 'win' for the bad guys

North Korean resource

If you are interested in North Korean propaganda/news (same thing perhaps) then this resource may be helpful:

NK News is a searchable database of North Korean propaganda. This site contains nearly every article published on the KCNA's website, in English and Spanish, since Dec 2, 1996--over 50 MB of hard-core Stalinist propaganda! And each article written in that unique and indelible style of the KCNA.

Fill your boots.

Digital photo printing

The prints we have just received from these guys are excellent. If you are looking for a printing firm I can recommend them.

Oh, who will print my T-Shirts?

If any readers know of a good UK based T shirt printing company I would be grateful if you could drop me a line.

john AT theenglandproject DOT net for immediate karma.

What goes around comes around

Haha!

Female users of a south Devon swimming pool say they are furious at a decision to allow men to take part in ladies swimming sessions.

It seems that these women only sessions have a tradition going back 20 years. Mind you, they don't have a leg to stand on in these PC times.

For the record, I agree with the girlies on this one. It's no one else’s business if they want to get together with a bunch of other girlies and do some stuff, public pool or not. BUT I also had this opinion about all men's clubs which had traditions going back over a century and which were bullied about their 'exclusivity'.

Just goes to show how careful you have to be about what you wish for. You just might get it.

Multiculturalism

I thought it was hilarious. The BBC radio “show” I listened to this morning. It seems that multiculturalism, as an idea, is so many different things to so many people. Absence of racism, sharing of cultures, mixing of light and dark people, chips and curry sauce. You name it, multiculturalism is the word for it.

My guess, before I looked it up, was that multiculturalism was pretty much the other end of the monoculture stick. Not the mixing of cultures but the existence of multiple cultures in a given area (say the UK).

Of course, as soon as I started looking things up in the dictionary I realised how wrong I was. Not about multiculturalism itself but about monoculture which is, apparently:

The agricultural practice of cultivating crops consisting of genetically similar organisms.

Pffft. I blame my crappy British state education. I feel forever disadvantaged that I did not have the opportunity, and the right, to frequent a Cypriot school, in London, paid for by the British tax payer. You bustards!

Anyhow, here is a dictionary definition of multiculturalism:

[n] the doctrine that several different cultures (rather than one national culture) can co-exist peacefully and equitably in a single country.

I was close, missing off the most important aspect of the whole thing which is the fact that it is a doctrine, a belief system. An authoritative belief that different cultures can co-exist peacefully side by side.

But that’s not what we are really talking about here is it? What we are really talking about is multiculturalism+. A policy of multiculturalism. A belief that all cultures are equal; that not only can multiple cultures co-exist side by side but that it is actually best for everyone if the existence multiple cultures is encouraged; that the dominant culture should bend the rules to accommodate cultural demands (no school uniform for you young lady); that integration and actual cultural dilution are not really a worthy or desirable aim.

Contrary to the evidence suggested by my bad English above I am actually more qualified to discuss this subject than many others. You see, I spent my formative years living in a multiple culture environment but one that had a single (and very important) advantage over the current state of affairs ie. there was no doctrine or belief that cultural differences should be maintained. It was a free for all with a “may the best bits win” attitude. There was no attempt at maintaining differences, no attempt at appeasing ridiculousness, no attempt to encourage me to take any particular path. The result is a Greek Orthodox who experiments with atheism, who can speak neither Greek nor Italian, and who considers himself primarily English.

I am who I am and what I am is integrated. Overall it is English culture that has won the day but I come bearing gifts. If you want I can teach you how to cook a fantastic pasta sauce (hint: don’t use olive oil and make sure you have at least three hours of simmering time). I can show you how to outrun any angry wooden spoon wielding Italian mother from a standing start. I can show you how to fill your house with the smell of burning frankincense and charcoal, and I can tell you a little something about halva and growing oranges.

I am sure that there are those who write for the Guardian who would think that I am worse off because of my parents' attitude or that it would have been equally fair on me and on the country in which I live if my parents demanded the primacy of one of their cultures. Well, I don’t feel disadvantaged. I feel exactly the opposite.

Is it safe for him there now?

I am sure that there is a very good and simple answer to this. How is it that a man with dual Syrian and Lebanese nationality can successfully claim asylum to the UK and then go on holiday to the Lebanon?

Is it that the situation in the Lebanon is now far better for him than it was in the 1980's? I can't immediately think of any other reason.

Down & Out in Sheffield & Lincoln

Go and read about Dom's interesting and somewhat scary life. It stops after chapter 4 (the commentary not the life) but he says the rest will follow. I dabbled in the heavy rock culture myself but was strictly a visitor whereas Dom immersed himself in it completely.

Patriots consider themselves in nirvana?

Monbiot in the Guardian:

I'm not ashamed of my nationality, but I have no idea why I should love this country more than any other.

Because if you and others like you don't, you'll loose it.

And how utterly wrong:

To become a patriot is to lie to yourself, to tell yourself that whatever good you might perceive abroad, your own country is, on balance, better than the others.

Patriotism is not as simple as that. To be a patriot you do not have to believe that your country is, on balance, better than the others (I certainly don't believe that to be the case). To want to make it better than it is and to take pride in the good things is a perfectly realistic patriotic position. Heaven knows there were Americans during their civil war that were patriotic in recognition of the fact that their country was in need of major improvement.

How can Britain survive such stupidity?

Oh for crying out loud. This is exactly wrong. Britain is a union of countries. If you are born in or naturalised to one of those countries you are British. I'm perfectly happy for people to call themselves British, English-British, Irish-British, Scottish-British or Welsh-British, anything else can only continue to weaken the whole idea of Britain. To wear one of these new government allotted labels is an admission of a failure to integrate. Someone has to move on the issue and the government is suggesting that it is Britain that does the moving.

That smooth satisfying taste

Anoneumouse writes to point out that he has become a law breaker. On the subject of smoking I was wandering through a Spanish airport when I spotted a box of 50 King Edward Invincibles for about 40 Euros. These are normally about £15 for 5 which just goes to show how much we are fleeced in this great country of ours. Needless to say I bought them.

Hello again

I'm back. Things are hectic at the moment what with all the catching up I need to do and all the blogging you lot have been indulging in (oi, stop it) but I hope to have things up and running round here soon.

In the meantime those of you who have been watching Neil Herron’s fascinating war games might want to take a look at this summary of the state of play for one of his campaigns. Looks like checkmate in three moves from here. Mind you, in this particular game one side is able (and sometimes keen) to change the rules which just makes Neil’s campaign effectiveness all the more remarkable.

As for the holiday, well, it was great. I spent a lot of my time reading some excellent sci-fi around the swimming pool. Old Man’s War by John Scali and three books by Richard Morgan - Altered Carbon, Broken Angels and Woken Furies. I enjoyed Old Man’s War a great deal but the Morgan books are in a class of their own and I can thoroughly recommend them.

Falling off the Internet

We’ve been experiencing some connectivity issues at home with our BT broadband package. Every now and again connectivity will vanish all together for a period ranging from a few minutes to a few hours. This is a relatively new problem. There are a number of reasons why this is a bad thing but the most acute is the difficulties this presents us with when trying to run a business from home.

Diagnostics show that the failure is in the PPP connection from our router/modem to the BT server. The internal wireless intranet continues to work fine. This, coupled with the fact that BT are currently performing major works to the whole of their network until August this year and the fact that their recorded support line continues to offer the advice that some customers in some unnamed areas may experience some connectivity issues, leads me to believe that they are culpable.

So, after taking a call from an irate Mrs. England Project this morning, and after going through the usual list of things to try, I could only suggest the un-suggestible. Phoning support.

I know, I know, what a fool I am.

Anyhow, Mrs. England Project was on the phone for an hour before she managed to get through to a human being. The person she managed to talk to had difficulty understanding the problem because (honest truth) he was French. He had some significant holes in his understanding and expression of concepts structured around and conveyed in the verbal form of the English language. His eventual advice was that our router was not supported by BT and that we should hit the “access with a sharp object only” reset button. Our router? A BT Voyager 2100.

My good lady, being good, refused to hit the reset button and as a consequence she was 100% responsible for preventing the loss of our network’s port forwarding information, IP allocation settings and network encryption method and key. Stupid she ain’t.

After slamming the phone down it transpired that connectivity had returned all by itself. Oddly enough this is a remarkably similar scenario and outcome as to that suggested by the BT service line recorded message, leaving us none the wiser about how likely and at what rate such future outages might occur.

This rant was brought to you via a different provider.

ICR and it's refusal to accept donations

Some time back I blogged this particular story:

A cancer charity has rejected a £30,000 donation over animal welfare concerns.

Barry Atkinson carried out a record 148 days beating - or flushing out birds - at grouse, partridge and pheasant shoots.

The 61-year-old, who lives near Newark in Nottinghamshire, said he was appalled the donation had been rejected by the Institute of Cancer Research.

In trying to get to the bottom of this disgraceful behaviour by the charity I have sent a number of emails to Philip Black ( Director of Fund raising) which he has either ignored or responded to with standard emails (many other shooters have received the exact same rubbish responses).

I have grown tired of being ignored by this man in this important matter and have, today, mailed the Information Officer at the ICR asking how I might follow up my line of questioning using the Freedom of Information Act.

Two words

I’m looking for two words. Given the richness of the English language I am confident that they already exist or that the framework is there for them to appear as if by magic.

The first word describes a group of people who are, loosely speaking, a majority. Looking from the perspective of a minority group this group of people are, effectively, the others. Everyone else. The rest. The word needs to reflect the fact that, to all intents and purposes, this majority group has many of the characteristics of a minority (feel picked on, bullied, down trodden, ignored, not particularly well represented, feeling like they are doing all the compromising etc; you know the kind of thing) yet because they are the many they are not afforded the luxuries of representation, “pressure for change”, media bleating, hippy dancing etc. that are often afforded to smaller numbers of people. The word needs to reflect the unfairness of the situation. This is an important word because, more than likely, it describes you.

The second word describes a group of people who are indeed a minority group but who are not on “the list” of approved, special, “deserving”, cuddly etc. groups. Consequently they continue to be pushed around, bullied, made to pay because of what they are or what they do rather than because of the affect of their actions upon everyone else. The kind of people who are sacrificed at the alter of political expediency or subject to witch hunts (say by the media) on occasion. This minority group has no political agenda except self preservation. A word that describes those that are general supporters of minority groups (or who see it as important for minority groups to be well represented and protected) but for some reason do not support this particular group is “hypocrisy”.

I think these two words are important because they encapsulate important issues. Important issues that the blogosphere constantly talks about but which are never named. Because they don’t have names we find it hard to frame the bottom line of the issue we’re talking about. See those categories you create on your blog? These two words should be there.

So, any ideas? If these words don’t exist we should invent them because historians of the late 20th and early 21st centuries are going to need them.

The Passing of a Great Man

Dave Allen, comedian, has passed away in his sleep. I used to love watching him deliver his routines and have missed his particular brand of comedy since his retirement.

May your God go with you.

Not quite Fallujha

The sleepy town of Bourbriac in France is not quite Fallujha but close according to this Guardian article. You see, the British are invading (ie buying property) and the townsfolk don’t like it:

"We are not anti-British ourselves," says Salomon, "but anti-British feeling is growing in Brittany and we are tapping into that. Unless something is done, the British will be targets. In small villages, the British come and almost take the village over. The local people feel overwhelmed."

They argue that the British need to integrate more, learn French (they accept that learning Breton may be too difficult) and make an effort to appreciate the local culture.

Frankly I agree with them and, in the interestes of integration, urge all Britons in France to develop a more arrogant attitude.

Joking aside though, I honestly do agree with their sentiments. Integration into and appreciation of the country you are living in (part time or not) is be part of the deal.

Beer ad banned

What were they thinking?

One of those flat computer thingies

Mrs. England project is looking to buy our first ever laptop for her evil capitalist business venture. This is where she offers her services to a local clientele for cash. The laptop market is not one that I am particularly familiar with so I thought I’d put up a quick post just in case any readers can help.

Firstly, the question of cash. My good lady is looking to spend about 700 pounds, maybe 800. It’s not much but then the requirements are not particularly high as the machine will be used for the production of documents and other similarly low demand tasks.

The machine must have:

Wireless networking.
256mb memory minimum 512mb preferable.
Good battery life.
DVD re-writer.
Good construction and looks (customers will likely see it).
Windows XP.
We would prefer a Pentium processor but a Celeron will suffice (1.4mhz min).
40 gig hard drive minimum.
At least 2 usb ports (the more the merrier).

If you have any recommendations please email us.

Email from the Mrs.: Processor type is not an issue.

Saturday night is crazy night

Two stonking posts by the Blognor Regis blogger to satisfy your Saturday night desire for entertainment. The first on a bunch of Kyoto Ninja Hippies and their shadowy media supporters. The second on another case of lottery moonbattery.

Now where did I put my pint of Old Peculiar.

Lottery funding refusal for Samaritans a "small misunderstanding"

This from The Times:

THE Samaritans may have to close a large branch after lottery organisers ruled that it was not helping enough “disadvantaged” people.

The charity, best known for its work to help the suicidal, said it had been told that an application for a £300,000 grant was rejected because it was not targeting asylum-seekers, ethnic minority communities, the young and the elderly. Instead, the Big Lottery Fund has given £360,000 to a group that helps prostitutes.

Apparently, and according to one lottery big wig, there may have been some small misunderstanding between the lottery people and the Samaritans charity.

You know the funny thing is that this particular article has revealed a prejudice that I've seem to have developed somehow. You see, I nearly stopped reading just after the third paragraph, in which case I would have missed the sorry little explanation from the lottery man and this blog entry would have been the worse for it.

I just read the first three paragraphs and shrugged. While blog worthy the story simply didn't surprise me one bit. I was willing to believe that the lottery funding was refused solely on the basis of the perceived low propensity of the Samaritans to operate a policy of positive discrimination in the favour of selected groups.

How the hell that little prejudice developed I have no idea.

I would love to see the funding refusal letter, you know, to actually check out the nature of the small misunderstanding.

Tilly, in the back garden, with a fox

Of course, it was always going to come to this:

Urban foxes are attacking and killing pet cats because they are struggling to find enough food to eat in British towns and cities.

There is nothing quite like the head of pet cat stuck on a pole in the back garden to raise the hackles of the British public. Expect the emergence of the urban cat protection squad, or the urban protection squad of cats or some-such.

Disclosure: I hate cats so I am definitely with the foxes on this one.

Now just hold on a minute there matey

What business is this of yours?

A UK nuclear submarine, HMS Sceptre, has docked in Gibraltar for repairs, prompting protests from the Spain.

Heh, from the Spain....The Beeb have fixed it now.

People programming

I am of a mind that people and computers share the particular characteristic of being programmable. It’s obvious really and, you might think, accepting this is just another way of accepting that humans can be educated. But that’s not what I mean.

I mean because people are programmable there are a whole bunch of other people out there willing and eager to do the programming. Some of these are professional educators, some of these are family, some of these are artists, musicians and writers of fact or philosophy or even fiction. And some of these are the media, mainstream or not. Not all the programming is intended to be what we would call classically educational. I would suggest that most people programming is performed in the pursuit of the self-interest of the programmers or the people who hire the programmers (which amounts to the same thing really).

It’s a nightmare.

People programmers are trying to program people day in, day out, at breakfast, lunch and dinner. When you are at work, when you are at home. On your way to work and on your way back. When you are on holiday. All the time.

Knowing this (or rather accepting this as an odd but valid way of looking at things) raises one specific question. How does one protect ones self from malicious programmers?

I’m thinking that a belief system based in hard fact is the best defence but employing such a system is not as easy as you might think. For instance what actual hard evidence do you have that your best friend actually works where he says he works? Or another issue, you choose.

I could go off and read a whole bunch of philosophy and, perhaps, stumble upon a suitable defence but honestly, many of those writers are/were extremely clever. If I were convinced by the wrong philosophy, say, one created by a super hacker of humans then I would be worse off than I am now.

I mean, what about Ayn Rand and her philosophy of objectivism? The box looks good but will I regret installing it? I’m too scared to find out.

It's Europe vs. America!

And it has something to do with coffee. In short, Europeans create caffeine artefacts instead of cups of coffee. They are nicer to each other. They live longer and have cleverer children. Also, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I’m not a very sophisticated man

I can prove it in two words: woof, woof!

Mrs. England Project would like me to point out how very, very sorry I am.

Slow-fit fitter

As I said earlier, I would be under the motor this weekend fixing up the brakes on the front end. Here is some photographic evidence for you disbelievers:

Old disc

New disc

The job took longer than I expected because I had to pop out a couple of times to pick up some extra tools. Particularly difficult was pushing back the brake calliper piston on the near side (which you need to do to allow room for the new thicker brake pads). Much cursing and venting was finally solved by the purchase and use of a rather large and manly vice.

Anyhow, 'tis done. Let's hope they work.

You can't get bitter about a kwik-fit fitter

There is something amok with the little Japanese sports car. How do I know this? There’s this peddle see, the middle one, which no longer functions as it once did. Previously, when I had occasion to depress this peddle the car would lose a considerable amount of forward momentum. Now it just makes an odd grinding noise somewhat similar to the noise generated by rubbing two pieces of rough metal together. Interesting as the sound is I think I preferred the previous behaviour.

I pride myself in knowing a great deal about cars. For instance I knew instantly that the problem was likely to have something to do with the braking system. I also thought I knew exactly how the problem could be solved. I phoned my local Kwik-Fit centre which, I understand, have some expertise in this exact kind of problem.

Hello, yes, I need the front brakes on my car fixed.

- Phooooo, hmmmm, could be tricky. You need to bring it in for a full brake diagnostic.

Can’t you just replace the front brake pads?

- We need to check it over sir, could take up to an hour.

And then you’ll fix it?

- We’ll need to order the parts first sir, might arrive the very next day. We’re very busy but could probably squeeze you in a day or so after.

I’ll bring it in on my way home from work for the check. I’ve got to go by you anyway to get home which I’m going to try and do without using my brakes.

- Phoooooo, we